2017

This whole brand new era 

Sudah tua, tiba-tiba wis mau 19 Ya Rabb, i thought dulu when i was eleven or so, being 20 is really-bener bener jadi orang dewasa yang i imagined it so well tidy organized. But see, i dont feel alot different than i ever thought i was gaing to have. Btw sorry for this wrecked grammar and all, even i lack of time that i didnt even pass my subject properly, anyways its just my reason lol. I grew to be this lazy-/-

 actually, i really wanna throw my self-centered-ness away 

Mulai darimana i dont know how to start, actually, i really wanna throw my self-centered-ness away but its just simply not easy. I must admitted im a way too impossibly arrogant. Growing in my environment back then made me feels up above the sky, but well now after i exodused to a real city, i became soo nothing.

Its not way too easy as aku kira, ini really sucks haha. but maybe this is the way supaya aku nggak terus-terusan being arrogant, see, Alhamdulillah jadi begini aku bisa tau theres always sky above the sky and that wasnt just a nonsense quote, its really bener-bener BENER. See. 

Semua hal yang biasanya soo easily passing like exams and all, it is NOT here and now.

Dulu yang biasanya even tho i didnt study those 8- or even 9- is just simply not hard, really. 

Tapi Allah MahaAdil kok, now its really hard, apalagi yang males like me. I have gaven too many reason for that, mulai dari biologi ni bukan passion aku, or aku bukan tipe yang ngehapal or aku tuh bisanya dijelasin dari awalnya bukan cuma kuliah yang sambil lalu begini, or whatsover sampai yang aku udah terlanjur niat ngepol in cuma buat sbm dan niatnya santai di kuliah, lol those nonsenses of mine. In fact its just simply i dont wanna work hard, aku males, banget.

Even at the very start of my campus life, i spent it just sleeping during classes, and not that cry hard working even when exams. Salahku, and those ibadah shalawat ngaji doa doa yang everytime i had sparetime i do those all back then waktu kelas XII till les sbmptn, sekarang entah kemana. Jan hamba yang tidak bersyukur aku ini. 

so there i am, at this very deep place.

save me.
maybe.
maybe that near yes.

im way too far from Allah.